Joy series #2
This is a scary one, y'all. Finding joy in vulnerability is no easy task. I recently read two books by author, researcher and educator Brene Brown, and man. The emotional and mental mirror I have been looking in since then is pretty raw. So if y'all aren't down to get a little personal, maybe you should skim on by this one.
Owning my business, reaching out to clients, having meaningful relationships with my friends and family, and parenting...these are all things that can be scary for me. For the majority of my life, I have lived in at least partial fear of judgement, lack of acceptance, lack of worthiness. I know a lot of people struggle with this, yet we move through the world as best we can. In my twenties, I even went so far as to avoid female friendships because I was so worried I would be compared or judged. Yikes.
A sentiment in Mrs. Brown's book is that true belonging is only possible when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, and that our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance. My biggest takeaway after my first go around with her books, has been to let go of the 'should-s' of life.
I should be living in this neighborhood.
I should make this much money, have this many things, and this many clients.
I should have this opportunity.
I should be married, I should have this contact, I should be doing this (insert random thing here) and have this many friends.
Letting go of my shoulds was the first step for me being a happier, healthier, more productive, more genuine human person. I learned to be more present to my kids. I learned to accept and be accepted in my friendships. I learned not to be shame-y when I came to give ing quotes for my work. I learned (wait, still learning) to ask for what I need and want in my relationships. I am learning to be with my emotions when I feel them, accept them, let them go. Once I made letting go of these things, shoulds and fears a daily practice, I felt almost all of my relationships deepen almost immediately.
So, there are my ramblings for the day. I am curious to hear anyone else's insights on letting go of the should, or finding joy in vulnerability.